When You're Dead

Pictures of Success - Rilo Kiley

Build your own television receiver
Staying home can't be that bad for me
'Cause I'm not scared
But I'd like some extra spare time
Easily earn me big money

I'm a modern girl but I fold in half so easily
When I put myself in the picture of success
I could learn world trade
or try to map the ocean

When you're dead
In hospitals and freeways
When you're dead
In resting homes and clinics
When you're dead
It must be nice to finish
When you're dead

I've had it with you
And mexico can fucking wait
And all of those french films about trains
'Cause I'm not scared
But i'd like some extra spare time
I'm not scared
But the bills keep changing colors

When you're dead
In hospitals and freeways
When you're dead
In dress shirts and neckties
When you're dead
In apartments and on beaches
When you're dead

They say california is a recipe for a black hole
And I say I've got my best shoes on
I'm ready to go (ready to go)
Ready to go
Ready to go
I'm ready to go
Ready to go
Ready to go
ready to go
I'm ready to go
Ready to go
Ready to go
Ready to go
I'm ready to go
Ready to go
Ready to go
Ready to go
I'm ready to go

These are times that can't be weathered and
We have never been back there since then

These are times that can't be weathered and
We have never been back there since then

These are times that can't be weathered and
We have never been back there since then

These are times that can't be weathered and
We have never been back there since then

There are just some songs that speak volumes of encyclopedias of libraries' worth of information. Some songs that convince you that the artists are writing specifically about you and your life. Some songs that leave such a huge impression upon you that irrevocably and undeniably your life has been altered somehow, in some huge facet that other people cannot help but to notice when they look at you.

Then there are some songs that REALLY make a difference.

For me, that song is "Pictures of Success" by a little 'ole band called Rilo Kiley. It is more than my favorite song by them. It is more than my favorite song by anybody. It is the song that, irrevocably and undeniably, speaks to my entire life. It paints a picture of the life that I lead and the manner in which I ruminate about things. I don't think there is another song out there that has made me think about how I lead my life and want me to change how I do things more than this song.

A couple months ago I posted the question in the DAIForum which song sums you up the most. This is what I wrote about this song:

For me it would "Pictures of Success" by Rilo Kiley because it talks about wanting all these things to change, to become a better person, but wanting everything else to change and not yourself. The narrator of the song wants to leave her guy, become successful, move, and do more adventurous things overall but she'd rather wait for the guy she's with to die rather than leave him and get started on the rest of her life. I think that's how a lot of us are. Wanting things to be better but never getting off our asses to start changing things. I know that's how I am.

When she sings "I'm ready to go" repeatedly it's both a declaration and a question, like she is psyching herself to move on, trying to convince herself she's making the right decision. I think that's how people look at any real changes in their life--difficult but necessary.

Plus, any song that compares California to "a recipe for a black hole" is cool in my book.

I'm just like that. A great portion of my life is dedicated to the pursuit of something I may never find. I don't know what exactly will make me happy. I don't know what exactly will leave me with a sense of fulfillment or accomplishment. Hell, I don't know exactly what kind of woman I'm looking to make my lover or wife for right now. But I do know that there is something amiss in my life, in how I lead my days, and just like the narrator in the song I have this sinking feeling that I may never get around to actually doing something about it. That I may let my situation change me before I ever get around to actually changing my situation. And that just isn't kosher with me. I don't want to be the type of person who lets the melodramatic fortune of a life I may not have chosen for myself dictate how happy (or unhappy) I'm going to be. I can't wait for someone to die before I make my big move. I need to strike out for what I want and get what I want before it's too late to get anything. I don't think any one single line has ever affected me so much as when Miss Jenny sings, "when you're dead." It literally slices through me like same unerringly intrusive saber. She brandishes that line like a weapon. She both uses it to indict herself for having the beliefs and hating herself for having those beliefs, and she uses it to indict herself for being so weak-willed and unmotivated to let those beliefs be her status quo.

I think too many of us let our lives become the status quo instead of never settling for a status quo. I mean--why should we ever have a status quo? Why should there ever be a time in our lives where we know what's coming next? Why can't we be content making every day of our lives better than the last? I wonder why people let complacency and apathy become acceptable. We're all guilty of it. We find something that makes us happy for the moment. Then we keep coming back to the well. We keep doing the same thing that made us happy once and keep expecting it to make us as happy as it once did. Except that's not the way the world works, that's not the way that life works. You can literally have too much of a good thing. Whether it's a girl (or guy), whether it's a hobby, or even if it's a city--we all need some kind of change in our lives to make us realize what exactly makes us happy. Think about it. If something makes you really happy then it's still going to make you happy even when you come back to it weeks, months, even years later. But how will you ever know what a great thing you have if you're never apart from it? If you only eat at the same restaurant every day of your life because you believe it to be the best thing out there for you, how will you ever know if it really is? I think there has to be some occasional breaks in the process. I think there has to be some respite from the delirium. You can crush the thing you love if you hold on too tightly.

That's what this song says to me--that anything that was once good can turn bad if you try to keep it the same. It also says that you can't let life leave you behind. Leading a good life, leading the life you want to lead, and having the people you want to have in your life should be a breakneck race not a leisurely jog. You shouldn't want to have what you always had. You should want more, expect more, be more because you deserve a life that is everything you hoped it would be. You deserve a person who is not going to make you feel so-so. You deserve a person who is going to make you feel great every moment of every day. You deserve a job that is not going to just pay the bills. You deserve a job that you can't wait to get to in the morning and you hate to leave in the evening. You deserve a life that you don't just get by in.

You deserve a life that fucking rocks.

Go ahead, you've got your best shoes on, and you're ready to go...

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers