Life Is One Big Party When You're Still Young, But Who's Gonna Have Your Back When It's All Done
"I've got a joke for you."
"What did one drunk IM to the other one?"
miss carly (12:27:41 AM): im wastoiddd
Mojo shivers (12:27:56 AM): Aren't we all?
mc (12:28:00 AM): yes
mc (12:28:01 AM): sakdjas?
mc (12:28:03 AM): uh oh
mc (12:28:05 AM): patrick
mc (12:28:07 AM): i cant take this
mc (12:28:15 AM): some kid ive been hanging out with is like in love with me and i cant do it
mc (12:28:31 AM): i can only fuck people i have no emotional attachment to
Ms (12:28:33 AM): Let him down gently.
mc (12:28:47 AM): im wastoid so i used it as an excusse
mc (12:28:52 AM): im the best wastoid typer
mc (12:28:59 AM): i swear itsmy specialty
mc (12:29:04 AM): some kid ripped a hole in my fave shirt
Ms (12:29:13 AM): You, you are pretty good at typing now.
mc (12:29:27 AM): aww mannnn
Ms (12:30:06 AM): I swear, you're one of those rare types that people just instantly gravitate towards.
mc (12:30:13 AM): nooo
mc (12:30:23 AM): i dont talk to people!
mc (12:30:26 AM): how does this happen?!
mc (12:30:31 AM): but the one person i want to fuck i cant
Ms (12:30:57 AM): Yeah, I'm totally into you, platonically of course, and I can't really explain why.
People just want what they can't have.
mc (12:31:38 AM): but we are friends
mc (12:31:42 AM): and im doing my best to make it up there
mc (12:31:45 AM): but my dads being weird
mc (12:31:50 AM): and all into meeting stupid socialites
Ms (12:32:56 AM): I'm just saying, there's no reason why i should think you're as awesome as I think you are. The only reason I can think of is that you have a talent for making people gravitate towards you.
I know you're trying to make it up there. I don't doubt that and it's not big deal if you don't. I'll see you eventually.
mc (12:34:10 AM): i mean i can go up there whenever its just because i have so many responsibilities this weekend i can only really go if ill see my dad for a bit too
Ms (12:35:18 AM): I understand. Sorry about texting you earlier all clingy. I hate that. I just think it would be cool to see you again.
So how wastoid are you?
mc (12:35:36 AM): no no i really appreciated the texts
mc (12:35:42 AM): thats why i ansered
mc (12:35:47 AM): if i think theyre clingy i dont answer
Ms (12:36:31 AM): I just don't want to weird you out. I like that we're friends, but it's difficult that because of circumstances we can't be closer friends.
mc (12:38:41 AM): i agree. it bothers me because we always hae best talks
Ms (12:40:15 AM): I don't know--I think you're one cool individual with a very fun and pleasant personality. I think a lot of my interest in you is the fact you do... maybe you are... the person I always wanted to be ten years ago.
mc (12:42:04 AM): dont you understand though?
mc (12:42:17 AM): theres a scared person underneath all that
Ms (12:42:17 AM): Understand what?
mc (12:42:21 AM): i mean the scared person isnt always there
mc (12:42:23 AM): but its there
Ms (12:43:26 AM): I know, but everyone's scared. The difference is you don't let it stop you from doing a lot of things that I let it stop me from doing.
Like, last week was the first time I've smoked anything. Not because I had any real reason against it, but because I was afraid to try it.
You're not like that.
mc (12:44:25 AM): but its not alwyas good to not be afraid
mc (12:44:31 AM): im afraid of the things i shouldnt be afraid of
Ms (12:45:31 AM): It's worse to be afraid of too much, though. Like I'm not afraid of doing things people don't like, but I'm afraid of doing things that everybody else likes... if that makes any sense.
What makes the great Carly afraid?
mc (12:45:50 AM): just do whats best for you
mc (12:45:56 AM): a lot
mc (12:46:01 AM): feeling.
mc (12:46:04 AM): i get too into the issues
mc (12:46:09 AM): sometimes i just feel like sylvia plath
mc (12:46:19 AM): completely hopeless when realizing the reality of things
mc (12:46:27 AM): and getting to sinto it that i know it dolesnt actually matter
mc (12:46:30 AM): but then realizing
mc (12:46:37 AM): that if it doesnt actually matter...why am i here?
mc (12:47:15 AM): i dont even have free will
mc (12:47:20 AM): so what?
mc (12:47:23 AM): what...
mc (12:47:26 AM): nothing is here.
mc (12:47:30 AM): sadderday.
mc (12:47:33 AM): oops
mc (12:47:36 AM): i didnt mean to say that
mc (12:47:44 AM): that was a freudian slip
Ms (12:47:56 AM): I feel hopeless sometimes. Sometimes I feel like the life I live is the one I got stuck with for making the wrong choices. Like my life could have been so much better if I'd just made better decisions.
I think you handle yourself admirably and I think you do more to establish yourself as an individual with free will than you truly know.
mc (12:48:36 AM): but its not recognized
mc (12:48:39 AM): and i dont evben care about that
mc (12:48:48 AM): but its so hard sometimes when you look around and see whats reallyh out there
Ms (12:49:23 AM): I recognize it. And I think being able to recognize there is more going on than what's in your world now is the first step to becoming a bigger part of the world at large.
mc (12:51:06 AM): its scary
mc (12:51:10 AM): but you know what
mc (12:51:15 AM): im willing to go beyond the fear and laziness
mc (12:51:28 AM): and when you go beyond that compeltely and know whats in your past and how it can affect the now and the future...
mc (12:51:40 AM): then you go where no one has gone and you expand like no one else can
mc (12:51:58 AM): you almost become something new
Ms (12:52:06 AM): I'm telling you, you and I should have been friends a long time ago. You talk and think about the same ideas I have in exactly the same way I view them.
mc (12:53:12 AM): does it ever really fuck with you and make you just question everything to a degree that makes you so hopeless that youre hopeful?
Ms (12:54:07 AM): Yes. Sometimes I get into a state where I think there's nothing I can do to change my world at all that I think if I take small steps it'll be something. Then when those small steps add up to something big I realize I can change some things.
mc (12:55:01 AM): yeah i want something big
mc (12:55:03 AM): hey guess what
Ms (12:55:07 AM): what?
mc (12:55:12 AM): i think my newly out of the closet friend and i are going to homecoming!!
mc (12:55:19 AM): i dont know because i REALLY dont want to buy a dress
mc (12:55:21 AM): and figure it all out
Ms (12:55:53 AM): That's cool. I never got to go to my homecoming. I did all my big dating in college.
mc (12:56:42 AM): i hate dnaces
mc (12:56:49 AM): do yiou know the mustic of gunther?
Ms (12:56:57 AM): Not really.
mc (12:57:48 AM): its euro trash
mc (12:58:02 AM): and i cant be in a relationship at all right now and i dont know what to do about ittttt
mc (12:58:05 AM): i only wantto be with henry
mc (12:58:06 AM): but i cant
mc (12:58:10 AM): and thats okay
mc (12:58:13 AM): i know how to get past that
mc (12:58:20 AM): but i just cant do anything else
Ms (12:59:00 AM): I was just talking about that with someone else tonight. It sucks to want to be with someone you just can't be with. I'm kind of going through that right now too. IT sucks.
mc (12:59:30 AM): it sucks a lot especially when youve had something with them but it just cant be because of circumstance and thats all
mc (12:59:37 AM): and you can only have that person once in a while
Ms (1:00:11 AM): It's like you feel so strongly about a person and all you can do is wait and wait for things to change when, in all likelihood, they won't.
mc (1:00:27 AM): i know that too
mc (1:00:40 AM): but my situation is just more that hes in college and i guess you know it really is the same thing
mc (1:00:49 AM): but henry was the best person for me to be around
mc (1:01:08 AM): it just kept me on the right track emotionally and all that
Ms (1:02:09 AM): I've done the whole age difference thing. Did you know my best friend and I slept together when she was still in high school and I was in college? It wasn't the same as your situation, but I remember how hard it was to know that pretty much was the only thing preventing us from being closer than we were.
mc (1:02:43 AM): yeah and doesnt that just fucking suck?
mc (1:02:56 AM): i mean youre so tempted to just call the person and see how they are and meet up for coffee but you cant
mc (1:02:58 AM): you just cant
Ms (1:04:02 AM): Yeah. And Georgia isn't like a drive away either, but I seriously would have moved for her if she kept up how hurt she was we couldn't be together as I'm sure if Henry told you how much he needed you day after day you'd be doing evertying you could to be with him.
mc (1:04:23 AM): i dont know anymore
mc (1:04:24 AM): about anything
mc (1:04:28 AM): ahh i just want to sleep
girl, you’re my friend when I’m in need, lady
Ms (1:04:49 AM): You go sleep then and I hope I see you sometime this weekend.
mc (1:05:09 AM): yeah and if not this weekend we gwont go as long as last time
Ms (1:05:18 AM): I can totally drive down there.
Ms (1:05:38 AM): Or meet up halfway if you want to dinner one day after work and your classes.
Ms (1:06:12 AM): Because eight months just ain't good enough, especially with you're moving away next year.
mc (1:06:30 AM): i probably wont even finish my apps
mc (1:06:33 AM): and then i wont go anywhere
Ms (1:06:47 AM): I wouldn't let you do that.
Ms (1:06:59 AM): I care about you too much to let that happen.
mc (1:07:05 AM): aww
mc (1:07:08 AM): ]thanks
mc signed off at 1:07:18 AM.