Just Let Me Hold You While You're Falling Apart, Just Let Me Hold You So We Both Fall Down, Fall On Me, Tell Me Everything You Want Me To Be
P- Think of how I feel, Breanne. All this time I could have been having sex with you without repercussions. Such a waste!
B- Because, you know, I'm just that easy, sugar.
P- Well, it's like they say, one woman's loss is another man's gain.
B- I'm glad you can see the positive spin on my tragic news. I was fearing that I wouldn't find anybody who could make me smile again.
P- That's about all I'm good for, poking fun at your misfortune.
B- I can think of a couple of other things.
P- I just figured that you've probably had enough of people telling you it's going be alright and it's going to be okay.
B- Basically everybody.
P- I mean--you know my shoulder's totally here for you, Breannie, but it sounded like you've had enough of people coddling you.
B- Basically everybody.
P- Exactly. I say baby-shmaby. A baby would have just slowed you down anyway. That's what I always say, babies are nothing but deadweight.
B- That's kind of a perverted worldview, darling.
P- Well, that's just the perverted type of guy I am.
B- You know, when I called you up, I was expecting more of the sympathetic Patrick and not the sarcastic one. I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for this version yet.
P- The way I see it, Greg's probably taking care of all the heavy lifting and probably taken the brunt of all the anger, right?
P- And I figure your mother's taking care of all the uplifting stories about how they said the same thing about her, that she'd never have a kid. Then she probably told you something like if she could do it then you could still do it too.
B- Yeah. She also closed by reminding me I was her "little miracle" and that I was due a miracle too.
P- Exactly. So, by my calculations, all that's left for me is the actual cheering you up, which is totally the easy part.
B- And why's that?
P- You're a total pushover when it comes to getting you to smile, Breanne. It's like your natural state. You're just built that way.
B- I suppose I could try to smile... for you.
P- Do you want me to bust out the Yoda?
B- No, that's quite alright, Eeyore. I will smile for you.
P- God knows how much I love your smile.
B- Really? How does it look to you now over the phone, darling?
P- Like diamonds.
B- Hell's bells, that's exactly the look I was going for.
P- It's funny. I can always tell when you're smiling, B.
B- And how's that?
P- Because you always sound like you've just walked into the toy store when you're smiling.
B- Do I? Do I really?
B- Well, a woman's got to have her toys, Patrick.
P- Just what kind of toys are we talking about here?
B- Never you mind.
P- Oh, come on, you can't play the married card all the time. That's no fun.
B- It's fun for me. It's fun for me to watch you squirm.
P- You're just cruel.
B- And you love every minute of it.
P- Well, yeah, but that's beside the point.
B- Admit it. You'd be lost without me.
P- And you wouldn't be just as lost without me?
B- Uh, hello? Can't have baby, remember? Now's not the time to be focusing on you, Mr. Selfish. Cheer me up, damn it all.
P- I wished you'd told me sooner. I hate not knowing something's wrong until the last minute.
B- I know. It was just hard.
P- Isn't that what I'm here for too? To get you through the hard stuff?
B- Actually, last time I saw you, it was you who was packing the hard stuff with him, if I remember correctly, sugar.
P- Oh oh, there she is. She's back. Breanne's back.
B- Yes, it is good to be back and talking with the living again.
P- Does that mean the let's-have-sex-alot-since-you-can't-get-pregnant topic is open for discussion again?
B- Ah... no.
P- Thought so.
B- I know what you mean, though. I wanted to call, but my first response is to come to Greg. You know that.
P- Sure, sure, pick the husband first. I see how it works.
B- But you also have to know there's always a small part of me that instinctively thinks to call you right away.
P- I'm just glad you called at all.
B- It was time. Like you said, my husband and my parents did most of the work. All that's left for you is clean-up. So entertain me, clown.
P- As her majesty wishes. Shall I perform feats of magic to mystify and befuddle the mind or would the lady prefer me to fall on my ass a couple of times?
B- Falling sounds fun.
P- Falling it is then.
B- And Eeyore?
P- Yes, my Breannie.
B- Thanks for being my friend... It's been a rough couple of weeks. I didn't think I was going to make it through.
P- Just doing my job, ma'am. Just doing my job. No one quits on my watch. I won't allow it.
B- Wo ai ni, Patrick.
P- Wo ai ni, silly Breannie.
B- Now fall!