Hush, Hush, We Both Can't Fight It, It's Us That Made This Mess, Why Can't You Understand? Whoa, I Won't Sleep Tonight

--"Animal", Neon Trees

Mementos

when those pictures were taken
I was a different person then.
when those videos were recorded
I had no idea they were being saved.
when you heard those words
I didn't know what I was saying.
when you played my messages
I thought you'd have erased them already.
when you waved and I didn't wave back,
well, that I meant.

dw

----

Even after the sun goes down people still continue to function. We are beings capable of self-determination, are we not? Despite the adversity we might encounter, the setbacks we might suffer through, and the heartache that it entails, we always manage to cling to our most basic trait of survivability. That's what I've learned in my first full year of independence. I'm not a woman to be trifled with--mostly because nothing is trifling to me, I can tell you that much. Perhaps I might suffer from that great affliction any who have listened before inevitably comes down with, perhaps I do "choose sadness--that it once has never chosen me." But I prefer to believe to the contrary. I've come to believe that before I had blinders on. I refused to see the world in the whole array of colors it is really painted in. Whereas before I was content to delude myself into believing what I did had no affect on others in the long run and that what others did could not affect me unless I let it, I know now that was a myth. Regardless of how much I want to remain aloof, something will pull me back into the frame inevitably. Regardless of how stoic I resign myself to act, there is need and a calling for some sort of passion to rise to the fray. I'm not saying that I have all of a sudden into the empathic counselor of my fellow men and women, but I'm beginning to realize that I'm not playing my own game here. Gosh. This isn't some movie I'm living here starring myself. We're all filming this period piece together and sometimes the scenes I'm in have far more resonance for the other players than for me.

dw