And I Wonder, When I Sing Along With You, If Everything Could Ever Feel This Real Forever, If Anything Could Ever Be This Good Again

--"Everlong", Foo Fighters

I have a toothache right now. I can't remember the last time I had one of those. For all my life I've never had a problem with my teeth, except for when my wisdom teeth were growing in impacted. Aside from that, I haven't had one cavity, one root canal, one sign of trouble that required any special attention on the part of my dentist.

Therein lies the problem. I'm a person who grows complacent easy. I'm easily deluded into believing that just because things are going good now that they will continue to do so ad infinitum. That's the reason I haven't been to see a dentist in almost six years. It isn't because I don't believe in preventative care--which I kind of do. It more has to do with the fact that I have a gods complex when it comes to messing around with a good thing. When I'm on a roll I'm very hesitant to do anything to mess with the streak of good fortune. Ever since 2005 I haven't had one problem with my teeth till now. During that time I really did think I was invincible, that possibly I wouldn't have to go the dentist ever again in my life.

I don't know if it's the smart bet to have taken, but it's the route I almost always seem to take. That's part of the reason I hold onto my favorites for so long. It's easier to place my faith in old standbys than risk being hurt by something new. It's easier to rely on routines than changing direction every so often. It's easier to desperately cling to old friends than put myself out there for new ones. It's easier to not read about what's going on in the world at large than it is to discover that there are serious problems out there that need solving. And, yes, it's easier to let the chips fall where they may when it comes to my health, dental or otherwise, than go out there to get that yearly check-up and discover problems.

Because when it comes down to it, I'm scared of the big bad news. I'd rather put myself in a position where I have no access to new information so as to believe the old information is still true. If I had my way it would still be 1987 and the biggest concern I would have is being thought of as the weird kid at school. I wouldn't have to worry about my body degrading, the people I care about moving further and further away from me, or something so silly as the future. Caring about my teeth, just like caring about any of the other so-called important concerns, just puts me at risk for having to worry about them. If I had my way I wouldn't have to worry about anything at all.

Not my health, not my well-being, not paying for a new condo for the next thirty years. Nothing. I just want everything to be okay and drown out anyone and anything who has the potential to tell me otherwise.

Yours Swimmingly,
mojo shivers